Recently, I posted on social media about my escape to a remote cottage with no tech for 48 hours, all in a bid to read a book. My focus had become fragmented, and I was unable to stop thinking about all the things I needed to do. Many people resonated with this struggle, and while I initially blamed technology, the issue runs deeper.

Let’s face it: tech and social media are designed to give us those delightful little bursts of serotonin, constantly rewarding our lack of focus. But our obsession with busyness goes beyond screens. We’ve become addicted to constantly doing.

Socially Acceptable Addiction

Now, you might be rolling your eyes and saying, “But I am busy!” And you might be! But here’s the kicker: do you actually need to be? Or are you just hooked on the adrenaline rush of being busy?

Busyness, like alcohol, is a socially accepted form of addiction. The word addiction is so loaded, it provokes thoughts of people at rock bottom, struggling to function in everyday life, losing the things they love.

Dr. Gabor Maté defines addiction as “any behaviour that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in and therefore craves, suffers negative consequences from, has trouble giving up, and which involves obsession, compulsion, loss of control, and denial.”

Does that sound familiar? Think about it:

• How often do you find yourself working when you promised yourself a break?

• Have you ever thought, “I wish I could work less” while simultaneously cramming in one more task?

• Do you catch yourself saying things like, “I just need to finish this before dinner” or “Next year, I’ll finally take that class... once I have X under control”?

The Exhaustion Cycle

If you’re constantly exhausted and feel like your to-do list is never-ending, it’s time to take stock. Are your relationships suffering? Do you feel lonely or disconnected? When you get a break, do you fill it with more activities? Or do you try to read or sit quietly but find you can´t focus, and you feel twitchy and uncomfortable?

We’re wired to get things done and those positive little rewards keep us checking off tasks. But evolution didn’t prepare us for our chaotic modern lives. It didn’t think, “Let’s add a failsafe for when these humans create endless tasks that aren’t essential for survival.”

Acknowledging the Problem

Addiction is a loaded word that you might reject outright. Maybe we should call it an unhealthy relationship or a lack of balance. What matters is whether you're genuinely happy with how things are. If not, it might be time to admit there’s a problem—whatever you choose to call it.

1. Admit There’s a Problem: This is the first item on your list, you don´t need the solution yet, just to recognise you want something different.

2. Understand the Problem: Maté suggests that addiction stems from pain—it´s not just about the behaviour itself but about the relief it provides from discomfort. Instead of asking “Why the addiction?” he suggests we should ask “Why the pain?” This question can be deeply uncomfortable but is essential if you want things to change.

The Big Question

So what can you do? If you're looking for a quick fix, I hate to break it to you—there isn’t one. The solutions require understanding why you keep yourself so busy in the first place.

If you have someone you can explore this with (a coach, therapist, or friend who can truly listen without judgement) that is the perfect place to start. If not free writing is a brilliant option, it allows you to ask yourself specific questions (eg. why do I always need to be busy? What am I nervous of happening if I´m not busy?) and explore them safely.

The bottom line is this: whoever you are and whatever your circumstances, change starts with YOU. Getting so much done likely helps others, so no one else will make those changes for you.

So here’s the big question: Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Or are you ready to find a new way?

Click here to access a free downloadable intro to expressive writing for growth, including prompt questions, to get you started.

Further reading

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

Bruch, H., & Ghoshal, S. (2002). Beware the Busy Manager. Harvard Business Review, 80(2), 62-69.

David, S. A. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. New York: Avery/Penguin Random House.

Huang, Y., & Zhang, Z. (2021). The Relationship Between Perceived Leader Busyness and Perspective Taking and Interaction Behavior of Followers. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 676810. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.676810

Maté, G. (2008). In the realm of hungry ghosts: Close encounters with addiction. Knopf Canada.

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.

Potential Project. (n.d.). Leadership and the attraction of busyness. Retrieved November 27, 2024, from https://www.potentialproject.com/insights/leadership-and-the-attraction-of-busyness

Saunders, M., & Townsend, K. (2016). Beware the busy manager: Balancing the demands of strategic and operational leadership. Harvard Business Review, 94(3), 86-93.